I had a baby when I was twenty-two.
I had our last child at thirty-two.
In some ways it’s as if I’ve been two mothers.
If you’ve had sets of children or large amounts of time have passed in between your kids I think you will relate to what I’m about to share.
Last week we took all 4 of our kids out to watch the new Top Gun. Two of our children are now adults, one already out of the house living on her own.
Before we went to see the movie I looked up the reviews on kidsinmind.com. (I highly recommend this website for a realistic idea of what you’re getting into.)
I knew there would be some unappealing language at the very least and I wanted to be sure it wasn’t chock full of sex scenes and such.
The whole way to the theatre I was already thinking about what I wanted to talk to the kids about after the movie, younger ones and older ones, because I knew it was coming.
I knew the younger kids were going to hear some language that I’d rather they didn’t, and I knew the older two were going to be thinking the whole time “I can’t believe Mom is letting the boys watch this…She would’ve never let us watch this.”
And they are right.
I would’ve never let them watch that movie and a lot of other things.
I was trying to build a strong foundation.
I was attempting to keep their minds as uncluttered by the world and adult themed things as I could.
Simply put, I wanted them to have a wholesome childhood.
You are not hearing me say I don’t want the same thing for my younger children too. That desire is unchanged.
However, reality is a little different.
When I was raising the older two there weren’t any other kids in the house.
The younger two have always had older siblings. They have been there the whole time their brother and sister were growing up.
It’s the way of things.
Younger kids are going to see and hear things the older ones didn’t…like it or not.
I feel mostly good about the choices that were made for our older kids when they were our younger kids….but there are a couple of exceptions.
I’m sure, dear friend, you’ve already figured out that this world isn’t black and white but rather a million shades of gray.
I feel I inadvertently taught my older children that it is all or nothing.
Dangerous or safe.
Life giving or life wrecking.
I accidentally created a Boogie Man out of some things because in all honesty, they scared me.
I didn’t want my children to handle foul language so I tried to protect them from hearing it at all.
I didn’t want them to think lots of things were okay so I just kept them away from it.
Just keeping them away from it is way more possible when you have littles, but an impossible feat when you have kids that have friends and social interactions.
Just last week while swimming with friends at our local beach there was a group of teenagers swimming alongside our kids cussing up a storm and talking about all sorts of inappropriate and vulgar things.
I didn’t choose that for them. It just is. They live in the world.
I did choose to take my kids to the beach with their friends.
I had no control over who would be there or what they would speak in the proximity of my children
Our children, mine and yours, are going to taste what this world is.
It cannot be avoided.
What we need to teach our children is discernment.
Wise discernment. Godly discernment.
They are going to put things in their mouths and give it a go just like they did when they were toddlers.
The other day my nephew requested a snack. His dad ran into the house and came back with a pack of fruit snacks. He took one look at the package (he can’t read, he’s only 4 years old) and he said, “What’s this?” His dad explained it was a new kind and he would like them so he should give them a try. That little cutie took one bite and spit it right back out. “I want something else” he said matter-of-factly.
What if we actually have some thought provoking, maybe even tough conversations , with our kids and teach them to be picky like a toddler 😂 with what they choose to consume… not just physically… but emotionally and spiritually.
We teach our children how to eat fruits and veggies and other nourishment that will do them good instead of harm.
We explain why they need to eat the right things.
What if we do the same with the other things they are regularly consuming?
My older kids went out into the world, as they should, and they realized that some of the things that were off limits in their childhood are not the actual Boogie Man.
It’s not all hot or all cold.
They learned really quickly that it’s not all this or all that.
They are tasting the world and deciding what to chew and swallow and what to chew and spit.
We need to be asking our kids questions.
We need to be hearing theirs.
Because if we live the old “Because I said so” and “In my house you will do as I say” way that used to work when most of us were kids, it just won’t hold water when they leave.
These kids are up against cultural and spiritual warfare that is unlike anything we ever had to deal with as kids, teens, or young adults.
It’s not my generation that the propaganda is trying to get their hooks in. They know that we believe what we believe. They’ve written us off.
Our children are the target market.
It’s our children they want to buy in.
We need to be teaching our children our beliefs AND making room for and welcoming their questions.
Our kids have valid questions and they need valid answers.
Questions aren’t scary (although sometimes they feel immensely scary because we fear our children will stray from or reject what we believe in our very souls).
But friend, if you’re not teaching your kids what to chew and spit then you can bet the world will be teaching them what to chew and swallow.
So we watched a movie that was well done in many ways, and had too much language that doesn’t serve us well.
We talked about it.
We cannot keep our children from what the world is.
But we are also not defenseless.
Let’s teach our kids how to decipher, and not be sneakily sucked into the undercurrent of a culture that wants to dictate right and wrong.
This is a tall and worth task.
Cheers to raising up the next generation of thinkers.
Susan